Disgusting Sex Jokes
THE BUMBLE BEE
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming 'oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina'. The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit. The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said, "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina." The Husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said, "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began going at it with the young lady very hard. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young ladies breasts and started making loud noises. The husband, at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?" he blasted. The doctor, still concentrating replied, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
THE WITCH
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house. When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked, or even groaned . . . how was it for you?" The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch." The first man asked, "How's that?" "Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast, she farted, then flew out the window."
ELBOW!!!!!!!
A man is in the hotel lobby. As he walks to the front door he remembers he needed to ask the clerk a question. He quickly turns to go back to the front desk, as he does he accidentally bumps into a beautiful blonde woman beside him, and his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me. She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
BAGS PACKED!!!!!!
A guy comes home one night, only to find his girlfriend sitting on the front step of their house, bags packed, and waiting for a cab. "Honey," he says, "what's going on, what are you doing?" She replies somberly, "well, I heard something about you so horrible today, that I have to leave you." He demands to be given a chance to defend himself, and asks what she heard. She says, "well, I heard it from a reliable source that you were a pedophile!" He looks horror stricken, and says, "A Pedophile? That's a pretty big word for a 10-year-old!
GYNECOLOGIST
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew of the window. He immediately told her to get undressed. After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?" "Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermattological abnormalities." "That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breast. "Do you know what I am doing know?" he asked. "Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps or breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?" "Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place."
HOSPITAL
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go back in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in and comes back out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."