Excerpts

---

Real excerpts of letters sent to property landlordss in the UK.

1 - I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired & burnt my knob off!!

2 - Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I`m an old age pensioner & need it straight away.

3 - The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly & dangerous.

4 - I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up & it's getting too much.

5 - When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wifes new drawers & made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job & keep my wife happy.

6 - The toilet is blocked & we cannot bathe the children until it's cleared.

7 - Will you please send a man to look at my water. it is a funny colour & not fit to drink.

8 - This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

9 - The toilet seat is cracked, where do I stand?

10 - I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

11 - I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12 - Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

13 - Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it & it`s very uncomfortable for us.

14 - Will you please send someone out to mend our cracked pavement. Yesterday my wife tripped on it & is now pregnant.

15 - Our kitchen floor is damp, we have two children & would like a third. So will you please send someone to do something about it.

Back To Main Page